I hate charades. And ... i am so, so afraid of my own charades. by the well know romanian essayist Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
I hate charades. And ... i am so, so afraid of my own charades. by the well know romanian essayist Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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We all have some daemons inside of us ... which unfortunately... in some circumstances are becoming so dominant .... making us looking like we completely lost the control on ourselves.
... and it really is like that.
We can't be recognised anymore.
... by anyone.
That could probably happen when we drink too much alcohol, or consume narcotics, get too nervous, lose someone important ... etc etc.
And ... all i am conscious of is that .... we all start to act ... weird.
Almost ... like never before.
In fact ... it is like we lost our minds.
... totally lost our minds.
For me ... is the same.
If i would be honest enough i would admit that ... i am really afraid of my reactions in such circumstances.
I hate it ... but i just lose the control on myself ... and there
is nothing i can do ... to stop myself acting so, so stupid.
Doing charades ... on and on and on.
Like ... an idiot.
I am meditating .... trying to heal myself.
And ... i try ... but ...
I don't succeed it.
So ... randomly... losing control on myself ... or even totally losing the control ... i start again act ... very stupid.
I wish ... i could stop myself ... or at least understand the root of those problems.
Most probably ... all is related with my unconscious side.
... which into one point ... becomes much, much too dominant.
In fact ... making me ... explode.
... trying to fix into the real life all what is bothering me... by a long time.
Into the end ... i can only conclude that all those charades are in fact ... my abstract tendency of ... "fixing" my life.
... aggressively.
Yes ... weirdly ... abstractly ... and aggressively.
I am afraid ... of the moments when i am becoming like that.
I am afraid ... that i totally lose the control on myself.
But ... i know ... all is part of life.
It is ... a normal process .... for the human being.
Ridiculous ... but real ...
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